Dirty Secrets

Okay, let me preface this post by saying that I consider myself to be extremely open-minded. I'm someone who has no problem with same-sex couples. I am someone who doesn't believe that making condoms available in schools is actually telling kids to have sex. I'm someone who ordered Eric a Maxim magazine subscription the last couple years, even though it's full of beautiful half-naked women -- and I actually enjoy reading the mag each month myself! There isn't much out there that would surprise me, and I'm okay with that. I generally think that life is too short to worry about how other people choose to live their lives. I've had friends who are religious, friends who party, gay friends, arrogant friends, and friends who've been swingers or had threesomes. My point is that I try and keep an open-mind and appreciate differences. However, while flipping through the August edition of Maxim yesterday, I came across an article titled "Mr. Infidelity", and it really made me wonder about peoples' values nowadays...

I don't know if any of you have heard of ashleymadison.com or not, but the article states that "the six-year-old website is the biggest and most profitable infidelity site". Darren Morgenstern, the popular site's founder, coincidentally claims to be a happily married father of two who describes himself as "a businessman and nothing more". While this may be true, I can't help but wonder what kind of person starts a website that offers a venue for married folks to cheat on their spouses. I don't deny that if someone wants to cheat, they'll do it with or without the help of ashleymadison.com and other similar websites. But I can't understand why we need to develop new ways to entice married men and women to have affairs. According to Morgenstern, he read an article in 2001 that said, "Internet dating sites were the only content sector thriving after the dot-com bust". It went on to suggest that "as many as one third of the people on these dating sites were attached". Morgenstern consequently decided this was his opportunity to offer a service to these folks. He describes this venture by saying, "There was a hole in the marketplace that needed to be filled." Soon after, Morgenstern started doing his market research. His research involved meeting with people who were admittedly having an affair, had had an affair in the past or were planning on having one in the future. He asked his target audience whether the Internet service (versus phone or mail) was their preferred option, how much they'd be willing to pay for the service, what privacy concerns they had and what features they'd want to see. His market data then became his business plan, and he launched his new site in January of 2002. Morgenstern said, "The reality was that people who were going to cheat were going to cheat anyway, and people who weren't going to cheat were going to ignore Ashley Madison, just like they would any service". "But since people will cheat, it's a recession-proof business." The site boasts of more than 150,000 new visitors a day, which nearly leaves me speechless! How does the site make money, you ask? Well, after registering and creating a sexual profile, the site allows users to purchase "credits" that can be used to communicate with other members. 100 credits will cost you $49, while 500 credits will run $149. It'll cost you 5 credits to email another member, while it costs between $10 and $20 to have a chat session with someone. Keep in mind that this isn't your typical dating site. These folks are on ashleymadison.com for one purpose only -- to find a person or people with whom to cheat on their spouse.

I walked away from this article with mixed emotions. I honestly felt a little ill to my stomach that cheating on a spouse had become such a fad. What does that say about our society? I wanted to be mad at Mr. Morgenstern for creating this new cheating venue, but realistically he does have a point that people will cheat regardless. One thing I've never understood is why people continue to cheat on a spouse instead of ending the relationship with that person and acknowledging that they aren't meant to be in a committed relationship. Is that really so hard? I don't condone extra-marital affairs, but I do believe that genuinely good people can sometimes make a mistake. These are people who realize the nature of their mistake, feel horrible about what they did and take steps to ensure it never happens again. But then there's the other type of person who has cheated, is cheating and will continue to cheat -- because they don't value their spouse and the sanctity of their marriage. These are the people I envision registering on ashleymadison.com. For the record, my only policy is that you should be open and honest with your spouse and/or lover(s). If you're honest about what you're doing, and your partner is willing to accept it, fine. Otherwise, you're being extremely unfair to the person you vowed to love, honor and cherish. Put yourself in their shoes...How would you feel if your significant other was carrying on an affair? If it wouldn't bother you, then you shouldn't be married to begin with. If it does bother you, then take a long, hard look in the mirror.

What are your feelings about this issue/article? Do you see anything wrong with ashleymadison.com, or do you agree that it's simply providing a service to folks who would already be unfaithful?